I attended a church service Friday evening(at Open Bible Fellowship, Tulsa). During the praise time, I always close my eyes, lift my hands and imagine meeting God in our praise, because His word says He inhabits the praise of His people. During the time I meet Him in our praise, I get to feel Him minister to me as well as me praising Him. This Friday He asked me what He could do for me?
During my recent walk, He has been doing a lot of emotional healing within me, I have been cared for so carefully as His "daughter of joy"(the name comes from another experience) and had to search hard to find anything left that I could bring to Him to do for me. I found the oldest memory I have, as a very young child that was asking my mother to rock me. My mother while not negligent had her hands very full, she was a homemaker and mother of four and she still held a "full-time job". I had a sister 2 1/2 years younger than me and as a baby needed more attention than me as a toddler. I really don't know how old I was, but I was young enough that I could lay in the chair crossways and rock myself (that is pretty young!).
I did rock myself at that time, and I think I started a pattern of independence then that God has worked to overcome in me. I have been a very strong, independent woman through my life and always proud of it. Friday night, when asked what He could do for me, I brought that need to be rocked with loving arms holding me to God, Abba, He held me and rocked me as I had needed as a young girl. I soaked and absorbed His love, His loving arms holding me and His tender care.
This is not how I had grown up seeing God and it is a whole new relationship for me. I don't remember ever not believing in Jesus, but to experience God as this loving Father is a wonderful part of my walk as His child that I had never known.
I shared this experience with my husband and he told me he had just read in scripture where Jesus had asked: "what can I do for you?" (the same words I had heard) and the blind man He was speaking to asked to "be made to see". After that, I thought "Jesus asked what He could do for me, and I selfishly asked to be rocked". I criticized myself for being so selfish and small-minded. I could have asked for more of Him, I could have asked for more wisdom, more love for my fellow questers, world peace! more everything! and all I wanted was to be held and rocked!
Sunday evening we went to another service and during the praise-singing, the minister said that this was the first time he had been led to do this, but he wanted us all to be quiet and close our eyes and ask God what He wanted to say to us. In that time, God told me that He wanted me to quit worrying about asking to be rocked, that that was what I had needed and that was what He wanted to do. I said, but what about all of these other things, more wisdom, more love, more understanding, He said "no, those things will come in time", if you will trust Me and follow Me in faith, I will tell you when to ask for more. This is what you need now. You are My baby girl", I tried to push the thought away as if it was my imagination, but God pushed it back to me and said "No, this IS for you! You are My baby girl I will love you and care for you and show you My love" and He repeated that IF I would follow Him in trust( I was even given a visual image of walking in His footsteps, like a little girl following her father's steps) He would take me into more in the due time.
.
No comments:
Post a Comment