Dad, John 11:25

     Today I was reading in John about the death and resurrection of Lazarus. In John 11:25 Jesus said "I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die." This started memories of my father's passing. My father had Alzheimer's for seven years, starting when he was 70.
       Alzheimer's is a terrible, long slow disease, and torture to watch someone you love go through. With Alzheimer's a persons body forgets. Most people think the person just forgets, but your whole body forgets how to work. Your brain isn't able to tell your leg muscles to move, so no walking, it can't tell your arm muscles to lift a cup or a spoon, so no eating. Your brain isn't able to tell your vocal chords to speak, so no communication. Eventually your throat doesn't even know how to swallow, so you are in danger of drowning.
     My father went from a vibrant, outdoors, "love life" type of man, to a man that wasn't physically able to do anything for himself. He hadn't been able to walk for a long time and hadn't recognized me for years. His passing was actually a relief, knowing that he would have a glorified body and more mental and physical capacity than he had ever had on Earth. Which is a lot, because he was a very intelligent man that had remembered every one's names that he ever met. He was one of those people that never met a stranger and always enjoyed new challenges to be conquered.
     We knew the time was close for him to depart and I was able to spend extra time with him. I spent as much time as possible and arranged with my manager to leave work at any call I received. Those days I would leave work and drive 40 miles to the hospital that he was in and sit(giving my mother a break to get a little rest, with the promise that I would call her if anything changed). I just sat with him all evening, listening to his breathing and to the heart machine, praying for one more heart beat.
     When we knew his passing was imminent there were several family members that were able to draw close to him. I stood on one side of his bed holding his right hand and my mother and sister were on the other side, my mother holding his left hand(much of our family lives out of town and weren't able to be there). My sons Camron and Luke were behind my mother and sister as we surrounded my father with love, concern and support. My father's breath was very rapid but then slowed, my mother and I spoke to him, telling him that we loved him, that he had fought a "good fight" but now it was time to stop, it was time to go. He gained clarity and looked at my mother with recognition, she told him she loved him and told him that I was there also. He turned his head towards me and looked at me also with recognition! Remember he hadn't recognized me for years.
     During this time I felt an opening at the foot of his bed, as if an upright portal had opened between this room into the spiritual realm. I could sense movement on the other side of the portal, I knew it was the portal to heaven and it was the angels waiting to greet him and welcome him!
     It is challenging to explain all of this because it is so out of our ordinary life that most people either won't believe or can't imagine. It was a very exciting time, it was like being present at a birth. I have been at the birth of one of my nephews, I was the first to hold him after the doctor and nurses. It was such a miracle to be there for the birth of a new baby coming into our world, but this was just as exciting, we were there at the birth of my father into the spiritual world! I am so thankful that I was able to be part of that experience!
     I know where my father is, I know I will see him there, I believe he will be one of those on the other side of the portal, waiting when I cross through. As soon as my father drew his last breath, my mother and I almost in unison, raised our free hands and started singing "we are standing on holy ground, and there are angels all around". That is what I remember of that day, my father moved to his spiritual body, but as Jesus said in the previous verse "everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die".

Blessings

    We all have an idea of what we expect when we want God's blessings. We may want spiritual, material, financial, I suppose it could go on and on. In my own life I've wanted the blessing of children, finances, spiritual understanding, the fruits of the spirit, more time, less stress, you know, normal desires that most people experience.
     Lately my wants are more of spiritual growth and intimacy with my Lord, but I found myself wanting a few material things. I don't actually know that I ever asked the Lord for these things, but He has blessed me with a few "desires of my heart". I know anyone reading this would be in disbelief that my desires would be a potato masher or egg whisk, but when packing things to move, I didn't get those things packed, so I've been "making do". So there you have it, I put in my mind a few things that I wanted to try to find the next time I had an opportunity to go shopping. A wire whisk and a potato masher were at the top of my list! Lane and I stopped at a "moving sale" last weekend when we were on our way home from a visit with family. There in a large plastic bag was my whisk and masher! along with several other utensils that will come in handy. The price for the whole bag had been $2, but they were just trying to get rid of everything and had changed it all to half price, the blessing of the desires of my heart were for $1!
     Of course I have many more serious things to credit to the Lord, but imagine, I had not bothered praying that I wanted or needed these things, but they were given to me at such an amazing price that I know it was His blessing for me. There was another touch of His that let me know it was "Him", not just the luck of the Irish! I had recently sewn a couple of dresses for my sweet granddaughter and I was horrified at the price of thread, it was over $2.50 for a spool. The Lord included in my blessing a whole box of thread with about 14 unopened(still in plastic wrap) spools for $2.50! Isn't that just like Him! I have marveled in my heart ever since the sale the way that He touches us on our own levels. I'm sure a box of thread wouldn't mean a great deal to a lot of people, but it reached me exactly where I was.
     The whole point is to recognize when God moves in our lives, yes, I would love to be blessed with a new car, but I must not need one as much as I needed the whisk and "masher" or the thread! See Him when He gives to you, appreciate it, it is the blessing that He has chosen just for you!

What a relief!

     Yesterday was really tough for me, but maybe it was because I didn't spend any time in God's word. I suppose everyday I need to make sure what I take into my mind and spirit is healthy, just like I need to be careful what I eat and drink. I wouldn't expect to eat unhealthy foods and feel physically well, why do I think I can get by with junk food for my spirit? I need to not put so much of my attention on the headlines in our news reports and instead put more on my studying of scripture.
     On another thought, lately I've been dealing with confusion caused because I have been listening to a lot of different teachings and trying to assimilate them. This morning when I prayed I was shown John 3:8 "The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it but do not know where it comes from and where it is going, so is everyone who is born of the Spirit."
     The different teachings all have God manifesting in different ways in different lives, one is lifted in the air in front of their congregation, one has gold sprinkled on them in front of others, one is put into a trance and shown visions. I can list the things I understand about all of this pretty easily, compared to what I don't understand.
  1. I do understand these are men pressing into God, they are pursuing the Lord and His will,
  2. God has a unique relationship with each of them.
  3. I cannot duplicate their walk or their experiences with God.
     I have been taking a beating, self imposed, to try to be just like them. I need to relax, pursue God with my *whole heart, spirit, mind and body and let "the wind blow where it wishes". What a relief!
*Matt 6:33-34

Soften, Harden

     I wish I could claim credit for this saying, but in truth it was on my little thoughts for the day page.

     "The same sun that melts the wax hardens the clay."
    
      I want to be the wax, that gives to the trials and trainings that the Lord brings into my life, unfortunately I still have a flesh side that hardens and resists. Thank You Lord for bringing me along to Your side one step at a time, as You know I'm able to stretch and grow and when You know I need to rest and give me time to stop and consider and then step closer still to You.

Psalm 1:1-3

How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,
Nor stand in the path of sinners,
Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!
But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,
Which yields its fruit in its season
And its leaf does not wither;
And in whatever he does, he prospers.

Blog, Were they just fishermen? John 1

     We always hear that Jesus used "fishermen and tax collectors", right? Recently I've been reading in the book of John for my study time and I'm realizing they weren't just "fishermen", these were men that were searching for their "Messiah".
     John and Andrew were disciples of John the Baptist who was *"a voice of one crying in the wilderness, MAKE STRAIGHT THE WAY OF THE LORD", so they were already seeking. When Jesus came to be baptized by John the Baptist the two(John and Andrew) recognized and started following him. Next they told Simon(Peter) "we have found the Messiah", Simon Peter understood immediately who they had found, he didn't question them, he KNEW who and what they had all been searching for!
     If they were just fishermen for their self support, they were more, they were also men hungry in their spirits for God. They were not only searching for God, they were men ready to drop everything to follow where He would lead, they weren't just living day to day, catching fish, selling fish, catching more fish, selling more fish.
     I can relate to these men much more than the idea of "just fishermen", these men were like many people I know now, people searching for God, eagerly waiting, hungering, pressing in. He can use all of us, if we seek Him and if we're willing to turn and follow where He leads.
*John 1:23
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