When I read a story I often put myself in the story...I don't know if that's normal or right or even if anyone else does it, but it is how I do it! "It's how I roll!"
So this morning I was reading Psalm 26 and had to do a lot of confessing and repenting as I read and prayed it from my own position. The scripture starts with "Declare me innocent, O Lord, for I have acted with integrity"....can you honestly claim "integrity"? I realized that I can not, I have not always walked in integrity....sometimes my integrity has been compromised! I believe integrity is like purity, either it is or it is not...there is no middle ground!
Integrity means "the quality of being honest and having strong moral principals" and "the state of being whole and undivided". The first part I am good with, but to be transparent (a good goal!), I have been known to not be "wholly honest", sometimes I have stretched the truth or as some would say "a little white lie". However I don't believe a "little white lie" fits into a person of integrity's life.
In reading and feeling the conviction of the fact that I have not always been 100 percent honest I had to confess before I could read more...that was just the first verse! So I prayed, "Lord, You know sometimes I have not been completely honest. I'm sorry for my dishonesty and then trying to act like I'm a person of integrity! Please forgive me and wash me clean! I will do better, I will not say or do anything that is not honest and true." (In our world that will be tough! Many people will label me a "hater" for not accepting the diversity of things that I don't believe are right. It doesn't mean I have to get on a soap box on Facebook, or anything that extreme, but it does mean when faced with a situation I don't believe is right I can't just go along with it to make everyone happy.)
The second part of the FIRST verse says "I have trusted in the Lord without wavering"....ok, let's see if that's true? Have I ever worried or let myself be stressed? Well, yes, I have! Then there is the answer for that! I have not trusted without wavering or why would I fear or why would I be stressed? Or for that matter have I ever grumbled about a situation? A long line at the store! a red light!..high prices!..paying bills!...nothing to wear! car's not running...not enough money, not enough time...I guess you can tell I have heard grumbling?
Back to God in prayer..Father I am sorry for the times I have NOT trusted unwaveringly! Please strengthen my trust, help me remember that I am in Your hands.
Finally made it through the first verse. Now verse 2! "Put me on trial, Lord, and cross-examine me"...wait a second! Father please don't put me on trial! I know I fall short in many areas! Please clean me, strengthen me, show me where You want me to grow and change! And I already lay it all before You because nothing is hidden from You, I only hide things from myself! I'm sorry and I already know I carry guilt for not being everything that You want me to be! Please forgive me! "Test my motives and my heart", Okay, let me confess first that I know my motives can be self-serving, sometimes I can be like Peter when he is quick to defend You and eager to follow Your instructions but when it comes to my own well being I react to keep it intact! I'm sorry Lord!
Psalm 26 has already given me so much to face, confess and pray about in the first two verses! I'll try to deal with verse 3 and 4 in the blog later! However I do well with verse 3! "For I am always aware of Your unfailing love"! Thank You Father!
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