Transparent ~ Grief

     Transparent~

     The middle of January and our Christmas tree still has the lights shining brightly! Lane took the tree down a day or two after New Year's Day which caused chaos for me....all I could say was "I'm not ready yet!", over and over...
     It seems like it shouldn't be a big issue to take a Christmas tree down when Christmas has come and gone, right? But this year, for me, it was..
     My mother passed on in December, shortly before Christmas ...I was able to put the grief and the dealing with it on "lock down", as I told myself, "until after Christmas". Faced with a Living room with no tree caused instant grief...
     Lane put the tree back up and anything else he had taken down while I was still asleep, saying we can have Christmas all year! Now, day by day I am removing the Christmas decorations, a few at a time and the room is returning to a normal state as it is throughout the year.
     I'm sharing this because people can be blindsided by grief, even Christians. We are not to grieve as the Gentiles do~ But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. 1 Thessalonians 4:13, however we are going to react to one of our loved ones moving on to live in glory, away from us and out of our sight. 
     I am allowing myself baby steps through this process. I have not thrown myself into a fit of crying, but crying does creep up on me. Memories come with no notice or warning and a wave of sadness hits. 
     I know where she is, and yes that does bring comfort...but I still miss her. I miss her smile, I miss her voice..I miss her presence. Even though I can talk calmly about this "feeling" there are things beyond my control, I can't sleep, I can't remember and I have no desire for very much social interaction. 
     Do not be surprised by reactions that you are not in control of and do not feel that you are reacting wrongly. You are a three part being and emotions is part of that. Be comfortable with who you are...experience the grief, but don't stay in it too long, don't leave the Christmas tree up all year!...who knows how long "too long" is? God will show you if you stay close to Him. 
     It's likely that I'll always miss my mother, but I'm thinking the tree will be packed up within the next week.  =)