I have been a prodigal daughter in my walk with the Lord.
I lived a christian life for a very long time. Regular church activities like Bible studies, Christian conferences and seminars, Sunday school classes, both teaching and attending, volunteering time at church, Vacation Bible School activities, Christmas programs, Easter programs, you name it and I was there. But then in a few short years my life was turned upside down. I went from being a homeschooling mother who had stayed at home for about 13 years to a woman on her own and looking for a job!
I was very happy as a homemaking, homeschooling, homesteader (see the "home" trend?). But after years of doing the things I thought I should be doing as a Christian, life intruded with what I thought were a few "injustices" and sent me on a "running away from God" path. The things that "intruded" were linked to the men in my life at that time and peeled away all of the protective structures God has placed in a woman's life.
First my father developed Alzheimer's at the age of 70. My mother and I took him to several doctors trying to get treatment or slow the process which were unsuccessful. Within a short amount of time my father no longer recognized me. He knew he had a daughter named Lorna but he didn't recognize me as that person. This terrible disease lasted 7 years.
During this very painful process with my father, my husband (at that time) developed an "Anxiety Disorder". We sought treatment for the anxiety through medical avenues and then counseling, nothing was successful. I realized how out of control the anxiety was when we were on a camping trip in Colorado(we had taken the same trip every summer for about 10 years in a row). During the camping trip there was a rainstorm that came in overnight. My husband was terrified that our tent would blow down during the night and we would die from hypothermia. While that may sound like a reasonable fear, you need to realize this was in July, and there was a campground full of RVs and other campers in tents. At that time I assured him if the tent blew down, we could get in our vehicle and turn the heater on.
From this point there seemed to be no stopping the out of control emotions he was experiencing. My husband began to blame me for every thing that had ever gone wrong in his life (which I've been told is a normal process for a person with an "Anxiety Disorder"). He became more angry and unhappy with me, every thing I did or didn't do appeared wrong to him. Nothing stopped the extreme agitation that I caused in his thinking process. His anxiety was so extreme he feared going to work, afraid he would not be able to complete the job he had been doing for over 20 years. He was so unhappy with me that I suggested that we separate to give space to both of us, I really hoped that given more space, he might be able to see how unrealistic his thinking was. The space that it gave us only intensified his anger. To relieve his anxiety over being responsible for me he filed for divorce. Shortly after the passing of my father was the passing of my marriage. When our divorce was final it ended my marriage of over 20 years.
The third man to be eliminated from my life was my spiritual father. My spiritual father was the minister who had baptized me and led our church for so many years. He had been my minister all of my Christian life, I respected and loved this man and valued his teaching greatly. He passed on a short few months after my father.
In addition, it was very awkward for the people at church to deal with my divorce, our church leadership strongly disagreed with divorce, and my then ex-husband created an untrue image of me that he spread to listeners. I didn't attempt to defend myself, believing that Jesus' example of not defending himself was the best path to follow. I truly thought that people that had known me for so long would "know the truth", but he was very convincing and relentless and they listened to him. After all of my time, energy and devotion committed to this group I felt betrayed and abandoned.
This is when I became a prodigal daughter and ran! I could claim temporary insanity or something, but now in retrospect I believe I blamed God. I do remember thinking that after I had tried to do everything "good" that I deserved better than this! What a wrong way to look at life! When I should have been burrowing deeper into my heavenly Father I ran from Him!
It has been a long road back to Him, with many ups and downs, twists and turns. I would advise against anyone else running away from Him. Not everyone that runs makes it back! I am so thankful to be back in an intimate fellowship with my Protector and Provider. Even when others are stripped away, or "especially" when others are taken from us we need to lean into Him even more completely. Maybe I had to have others stripped away so I could stand before Him with no "insulation"? Maybe I needed to learn to not look to my own "works" for my salvation? Now it's Him and me, nobody in between! Thank You Lord for restoring my life in You! and even when hard times come in life, as they always do, I'm never running away again!
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